HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

This is the fourth session on the topic of marriage. Dr Tong started off by asking why if marriage is such a sacred institution, many people in the Bible had more than one wife. This is a question that has been asked of Dr Tong many times, wherever he goes. But when he asked the questioner what the names of polygamous men were, their answers always revolve around a few persons, namely Abraham, Jacob, David, Samuel, Solomon. So in reality, only a few persons were recorded as having had many wives.

Did God allow polygamy? The answer would be no. But why would the Bible contain so many cases of polygamy? Dr Tong said that there are two main reasons. The first would be that God’s revelation is progressive in nature. He revealed His will to men progressively, that we will be more and more focused on what His will is all about. For example, the nature of the Triune God was not revealed clearly in the Old Testament, but only in the New Testament. Progressive revelation is necessarily because of our finite ability to understand God. This explains why many people in the Old Testament would be more ignorant than us about many things.

The second reason would be the decadence of the times. Many pagan traditions influenced the Israelites, and there were many incidents of cultural exchanges. Pagan kings had thousands of wives, so King David was influenced. God spoke to David clearly through the prophet Nathan, who prophesized that the sword will never leave David’s family because of his adultery. Polygamy brought about lots of problems, including the many conflicts and wars among the children of the different wives; an effect that we can still witness today when the Israelis fight with the Arabs.

It would be most easy for God to create many women for Adam, but the book of Malachi in the Chinese translation says that God has enough power to build more than one Eve, but He wanted us to live a holy life when two leave their parents and become one. He created one woman for one man; not many women for one man, nor many men for one woman, nor one man for another man, nor one woman for another woman. This was why God says that marriage should be honoured by all.

The Bible warns of the dire consequences of pre-marital sex. One clear example would be Dinah, the only daughter of Jacob. The Bible tells us that she was curious about how other people live their lives, since she had been brought up in a household that feared the LORD (Genesis 34:1). She was unhappily raped by a man named Shechem. Dr Tong said that Christian girls should be very cautious about the world, and not be too eager to be in the midst of the world. They ought to be careful not to participate in parties easily, not to take drinks from strangers for there have been many cases of tragedies when young women get molested or raped at such occasions.

Shechem’s father came to see Jacob, and asked for Dinah’s hand in marriage. But her brothers, the sons of Jacob, plotted to take revenge. They asked that the people of Shechem show sincerity through the act of circumcision. Since Shechem’s father was a pagan ruler, he ordered the men of his entire tribe to undergo circumcision. On the third day of circumcision when the men were still sore from the act, Dinah’s brothers slaughtered all the people and looted the tribe.

So from one angle, the curiosity of Dinah generated this great disaster. From another angle, Shechem’s inability to control himself brought about the destruction of his entire tribe. Therefore, we ought to know that illicit sex may seem attractive, but it carries a heavy and horrifying price. We need to be very cautious and be faithful, rejecting pre-marital sex completely.

Another important example in the Bible relates to the children of David. David had many children from different women, and they do not get along well. One of the sons was Amnon, the elder half-brother of Absalom, who had a sister Tamar, who was exceedingly beautiful. He was so infatuated with her that he fell ill thinking about her. Amnon’s friend suggested that he trick Tamar to come into his room by requesting that David send her to serve him in the midst of his illness. Amnon thought about the suggestion, and quickly accepted it.

Dr Tong said that when a person is self-centred and selfish in his motivation, he would be confused in whatever he may be thinking, and wrong in whatever he does. When one places benefit and money as the ultimate goals, one would not be able to tell the truth, wisdom, right or wrong. At that moment, everyone who is beneficial to us would be considered good, while those who are not beneficial would be considered bad to us. We would be guided only by what we would consider as success instead of the truth.

Amnon thought about the suggestion, and it seems more and more reasonable to him. Dr Tong termed this as the Evolution of falsehood, and said that many of us behave in the same manner. We are consoling ourselves, and the more we think about it, the more our selfish plans seem to make sense. This is because we are being led by our selfish desires. Arthur Schopenhauer said that very few people live in the world via their reasons. Instead, most people enslave their reason. Most of us do things not because we have thought it through, but because we first decide to do it. Having decided, we will find all sorts of excuses and reasons to justify our decision. So our will controls our reason. But our will is under the control of Satan, resulting in horrifying consequences.

So Amnon tricked his father and got him to ask Tamar to his room to serve him, and Tammar came in innocently. Dr Tong reminded the women not to be too trusting, and always to be more cautious whenever they find themselves in compromising situations. Amnon then raped Tammar despite her pleas to him. Dr Tong said that when a man assault a woman, he is no better than an animal. A man is made stronger physically than a woman not for him to lord over her, but for him to protect her. The LORD will surely judge any man who abuses woman.

After Amnon got what he wanted, the Bible described a really unusual thing, in that Amnon began to hate Tammar intensely (2 Sam 13:15). He hated her more than he first loved her. This shows a really horrifying aspect of humanity, in that the line between love and hate can be very thin indeed. So we need to be very careful not to be taken in easily by people who profess love for us.

The tragedy of Tamar is difficult to understand. She had not done anything wrong, and yet she suffered greatly. Herein lies an important question from the Bible, i.e. why should the innocent suffer, and where is God when the innocent suffers? Not only was Tamar raped, she was exiled by her brother, an act which she described as a greater evil (2 Sam 13:16). A person who has been overwhelmed by his emotions cannot be trusted at all as he will not be able to know the truth. At all times, Tamar spoke the truth; but because he has been overcome by his emotions and desires, Amnon can no longer tell the truth from falsehood. Again Dr Tong reminded all that pre-marital sex if wrong, and we need to keep our heads clear at all times so that we would not listen to falsehood but would adhere only to the truth.

Another lesson from Tamar would be that although she was obedient to her father, her obedience may have been blind. We should remember that the Bible instructs us to honor our parents in the LORD. So it is not blind obedience, but we need to be cautious and be wise as well. Dr Tong does believe that Tamar would one day be vindicated and perhaps have great glory in heaven. As for Amnon, his princely status meant nothing. We see today the same problem with the members of the British royal family. Without a truly honorable character, we will not be able to honor God regardless of our official status. Our greatest enemy would be others, but ourselves. We need to subject the wild stallion inside of our heart, and subject our emotions and desires under the control and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

In the end, Amnon was murdered by Tamar’s brother Absalom, and this fulfilled the prophesy of the prohet Nathan, that the sword will not leave David’s household because of his adultery with Bathsheba. Four of David’s sons died, namely the child he had with Bathsheba, Amnon, Absalom and then Adonijah. All these were related to adultery and sexual immorality.

Dr Tong ended by admonishing all present in the name of the LORD to have a heart that fear God, and keep from sexual sins in the midst of the fast-decaying society we all live in, because God will surely judge the adulterer and sexual immoral.

Disclaimer: This summary does NOT represent the official position of STEMI (Stephen Tong Evangelistic Ministry International), and is the personal opinion of the author, expressed without prejudice. Expressed opinions are meant for academic discussions only.