HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral

Dr Tong believes so strongly in the importance of this verse that he spent another session on the topic of marriage, with a third to come.

In the previous session, the discussion included marriage and singleness. Dr Tong emphasized that the verse insists that marriage is to be honoured by both the married, and single; which means that there is no elevation of status for those who are single. Some may point to Jesus Christ as a person who was not married. Very few people wonder if Christ was a sexual being as well. Dr Tong said that to be fully man, Christ must have had sexual needs, and had been tempted sexually. The difference between Christ and all of humanity was that He was the only person who could be completely victorious over temptation, and had never, ever sinned in His lifetime, which was why He could be our mediator before God.

The very first miracle of Christ was performed at the marriage of Cana, further confirming that even Christ honoured marriage.

The second portion of this verse touches on how the marriage bed should be kept pure (in Mandarin, how the marriage bed ought not to be defiled). This tells us that the bed, or sexuality in itself should be pure, which was why we should not defile the bed. Why should this be the case? This is because marriage is not just merely a ceremony. The very concept of marriage contains an implication of a life-long responsibility. Marriage is the crystallization of love, a pragmatic end of love. Love would result in the establishment of a family, and a family is not something that is for a day or two, but an institution meant for life. Every one of us could segregate our lives into two portions: the first would be our single life before marriage; the second would be our married life till the day we die. The wedding ceremony therefore, signify the beginning of another life-long process, and although its sacredness cannot be compared to the sacrament of the Holy Communion and baptism, it is nonetheless an extremely important thing.

The Chinese considers two things to be great; things concerning the nation, and things concerning one's marriage for life. When a person falls in love, he will discover two important things about falling in love. The first concerns fidelity, the second concerns eternity. When two persons are in love, they will enter into a mysterious relationship whereby the intrusion of a third party would not be tolerated. It is not possible for one to love another person in the same manner as the first one. Love demands fidelity and exclusiveness. It demands purity. It expects faithfulness, sincerity and truthfulness. All these are matters relating to holiness.

The apostle Paul understood our relationship with Christ in the same manner. In 2 Cor 11:2, he wrote "I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him" and that we are not to be deceived like Eve away from the love of God. So being faithful is very important because it is linked with purity in heart. Our LORD said that the pure in heart are blessed, for they shall see God. When we are faithful to our spouse, we are therefore linked with purity and fidelity, all of which pleases God.

The second area of love is linked with eternity. When we are in love, we often pledges our love for all eternity. Dr Tong often laugh at the notion of young people in their teens pledging their eternal love, for what do they know about eternity? But nonetheless, we all express this notion in one way or another to our loved ones. This shows that deep in our heart, the notion of eternity exists. We all understand inevitably that love is somehow linked with an essence that transcends time. Our marriage therefore, is a covenant that transcends time into eternity.

Marriage therefore is not a matter to be taken lightly, for it has great life-long significance. Dr Tong lamented that young people often do not understand this, and so they would have a simple wedding, but a lavish wedding banquet. As a preacher, Dr Tong made a few key decisions. He will attempt to attend the funeral wakes of the saints, but not necessarily their weddings. And if invited for weddings, He would attend the weddings in churches, but not necessarily the wedding banquet in restaurants. So he encouraged Singaporeans to rethink this matter. One may decide not to have a lavish banquet, but one should uphold the sanctity of the marital vows and the wedding where a covenant is made between the wedding couple.

The marriage also carries the important mission of pro-creation. Therefore, our children must be born of a pure sexual relationship, and the parent's purity in this matter would serve to be the greatest lesson for their children. An impure sexual relationship would result in children who would live with a shadow hanging over them all their lives.

Psychologists discovered that there are three important reasons why a person could be psychologically imbalance:
1. When a person's social status is unclear, he could have an unhealthy emotional growth.
2. When the love this person receives is abnormal, his reaction to this abnormal love would be abnormal, affecting his own emotional well-being.
3. When a person does not have another person to relate to, his emotional upbringing would be problematic.

Looking at these findings through a theological eye, how are Christians different from non-Christians?
Christians have a new identity in Christ that enables us to grow emotionally in good health. This is because we are now children of God; no other status can be higher or more honorable than this. Deng Xiao Ping had a son who was crippled during the Cultural Revolution. But this person holds an important official position in China, primarily because of his father. In the same manner, Christians ought to know that we are indeed favored.

Secondly, Christians have received the greatest love of them all, the love of God. We belong to the LORD, and everyday that we live, we live for Him and enjoy His love. The apostle Paul wrote "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" (Romans 8:35) and "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38,39) The love of God enables us to grow up emotionally healthy.

Thirdly, we can come to the LORD's throne of mercy anytime we want, and He will listen to us. Dr Tong said that we are not to despise the prayer of a Christian. When we call upon the LORD, we are calling the longest distance, transcending time and space, coming straight before the LORD of the universe. We need to learn from the Psalmist, who said that "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him" (Psalms 103:13) Dr Tong said we should understand this verse in the reverse, that is, we should love our children in the way the LORD loves us.

Therefore, parents should live a holy and pure life, and keep their marriage bed pure. In so doing, they will enable their children to grow up with the correct value system, and be proud of their life because they have parents who led holy lives. We can no longer teach our children in the old methods because children these days would acquire far more knowledge than their parents. Parents can no longer discipline their child physically because some of them are physically stronger than their parents. The only way is for a parent to lead a life of holiness and purity, teaching their children by example.

Dr Tong reiterated the fact that the marriage bed ought to be made pure. This matter is so important that it concerns the future of humanity, since when a couple is faithful to each other, there will be no possibility of sexual diseases. Within a committed marriage then, a husband and wife can enjoy the greatest gift of sexuality that God has given to mankind. Many people think that by using the condom, they will be able to avoid all problems. This is a situation where one is cheating himself, and depriving oneself of the greatest gift from God.

This greatest gift grants us the greatest freedom ironically within the constraint of a committed relationship in marriage. While marriage grants us the greatest blessing, it is also a constraint. We use our freedom to enter into a holy constraint, and enjoy the greatest freedom within that constraint. Therefore, there is no room for extra-marital relationship, which is why the third portion of the verse warns us sternly that God will judge the sexual immoral and the adulterer.

Dr Tong then turned towards the topic of pre-marital sex. He said that many people wanted to know the mystery that God has given to us before the time is right. Dr Tong admonished the people to keep God's mysteries till the wedding night, so that we can enjoy the greatest joy ever, and will truly be thankful to God for His grace. But when one has tasted sex before marriage and led a sexually immoral life, there is no mystery so to speak anymore. The sexual immoral will not be able to tell the difference between his wife's body and that of a prostitute. Those who are still single should aim to remain a virgin till they are married. Is this still possible? The answer is a resounding "Yes" as Dr Tong cited himself as an example of someone who remained a virgin till he got married, and who remained faithful ever since to his wife.

While it is true that our LORD Jesus Christ can, and will forgive all sins, Dr Tong said that when one pulls out a nail, the mark remains. Therefore, the damage is already done. Another situation would be when a person had sex with someone he or she intended to marry before the marriage. This is somewhat lesser in severity than the sexually immoral. But Dr Tong said that it is still sin, and is problematic because the right timing is not up yet. Dr Tong gave an illustration of a young couple in a church who were exemplary in conduct. They were very much in love and had sexual relationship first. Unhappily, the man met an accident and died, while the woman got pregnant. So that few minutes of pleasure resulted in a life-long humiliation for the woman.

Another scenario would be when one forgot about their marriage vows, and had extra-marital sex. A man once approached Dr Tong and told him that he found out that he has married the wrong woman. He said he got married at 22, and did not know much, so he got married. Now that he is more mature, he believes that he has made a mistake; and thinks that he should seek a divorce. Dr Tong said that this is a huge mistake, since he got married with both his eyes opened. So this wife could be the cross one needs to carry for the rest of one's life.

Dr Tong ended the session by encouraging all to honour marriage; not to commit sexual sins, be them pre-marital, extra-marital, with the person you love or with immoral people. All these stem from the correct understanding of the place of sex in marriage, as the greatest gift of God for all of humanity.

Disclaimer: This summary does NOT represent the official position of STEMI (Stephen Tong Evangelistic Ministry International), and is the personal opinion of the author, expressed without prejudice. Expressed opinions are meant for academic discussions only.