HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

The author of Hebrews started chapter 13 highlighting how we should live a life of love that is demonstrated by actions and deeds with true and genuine empathy for those who are suffering. He seems to have suddenly moved on to talk about marriage. Although on the surface, it seems like an abrupt diversion, this is actually consistent with the first 3 verses. This is because marital love is the most pragmatic action of love. It is love that created relationship, not the other way around. Towards our friends, our loved ones, people we like, we use words like 'dear, dearly beloved'. Many a times, these sort of love came about because we are related to that person, like our parents or children. But in marriage, one should first love and then have a relationship. In this manner, marriage is unlike any other relationship, for it is a result of love. Those love that arose from blood-relationship came from the sense of responsibility, while marriage is the result of love, not its cause. Therefore, when we talk about marriage, we are talking about the deepest part of love that a person can experience.

1. Because of God's Love
We see here the great definition from Christianity, that marriage is sacred, and should be honored by all. As a sacred institution, the family that came from marriage is also a sacred unit. Verse 4 stands unique in the Bible in that it has a very concise and precise affirmation of marriage, not found in other verses in the Bible. A person that honors marriage would lead an orderly life. A nation that honors marriage would also be orderly. Conversely, persons or societies that ignore the sanctity of marriage will act in a manner that is similar to how animals act in the wild. This commandment is vitally related to human existence, his culture and his history.

Since this verse is from God's WORD, it tells us that God Himself honors marriage. He created man and woman, and both were created in His image. So in this sense, both man and woman are equal. But in the order of creation, man should be the head of woman, and the woman should submit to her husband. So within an equal status, there is a different order. But many may object to this as being unfair. Dr Tong says that one should not think this to be strange, because in the Triune God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all equal. But their order is different as well. The Bible tells us that the Father sent the Son, the Father and Son sent the Holy Spirit. We can never find the Bible telling us that the Holy Spirit sends the Father or the Son; so clearly, in equality in status, there is a difference in order. Our understanding of the Triune God would become our foundation of communication within the society, since human society should be based on the relationship between the Triune God. While the Father, Son and Holy Spirit share the same authority, the same status, the same glory, the same eternity, the same creation, the same salvation, the same work of revelation, it was the Father who sent the Son, and the Father and Son sending the Spirit.

Thus, the relationship between the husband and wife should follow along the model of the relationship between Christ and His church. The love that Christ has for the church is active in nature, in that before the church knew Christ, Christ already first loved her. The husband should therefore sacrifice himself the way Christ sacrificed Himself for the church; and the wife submits to the husband the way the church submits to Christ.

The sacredness of marriage therefore, is built upon the relationship of love that came from God, the source of all love. We honor marriage because God is to be honored, and His love is the basis of our marriage. The God of love created man and woman capable of loving and being loved. We need to return to Him in order for us to find the true principle of fellowship, the true power of love.

2. Man versus Woman
Secondly, the verse tells us that marriage should be honored by 'all'. This means that those who are married should honor marriage; and those who are single must also honor marriage. In church history, there had been many errors committed by people who propose that it is more holy for one to remain celibate. They look down on those who are married, and consider that to be of a lesser calling. But this verse clearly refutes that concept.

Why would people consider celibacy as of a higher status? The problem lies in the idea that the virgin Mary was selected to bear Jesus Christ because of her virginity, and so virginity in itself must therefore be more holy. But this is a wrong understanding since Mary's virginity was related to Christ not being the descendant of a human being; and not because of anything else.

When God created man and woman, both were created to be physically capable of marriage, and needs marriage emotionally. This is an important understanding. So when a person is physically mature and mentally prepared, they would have reached the stage in life when they will consider getting married. This is a basic human right, something very normal indeed.

But why is it that we feel ashamed or shy to talk about love or sexuality? We can find the answer in the theology found in the Bible. God created man to be physically able to become one with a woman. He also created woman to be physically able to receive a man, and be one with him in love and in body. So this ability to love and to be loved exists in both sexes. A human being therefore is not an individual entity, but an entity that lives in relation to another entity, that is, the opposite sex. Love enables us then to progress in life. When we reach a stage when we can love another person, and accept the love from that person, we will enter into a more complete existence. As we mature, we will feel that it is inadequate for us to be alone. Both man and woman will feel this way. We can only be satisfied if our capacity to love and to be loved is being fulfilled.

Does that mean that we should look down on those who are not married? Dr Tong said the answer is simply that those who are not married should honor those who are married; but those who are married should not look down on those who are not. This is because this ability to love and be loved is not necessarily fulfilled only within marriage. Many people who have not, cannot, or do not have the opportunity to be married, find fulfillment in other areas, more so than those who have been married. Dr Tong emphasized however, that under normal circumstances, all should be married if possible, so that we can enjoy this physical provision that God has given to us. The Bible does tell us that some have renounced marriage for the sake of the gospel (Matthew 19:12), so we need to honor that decision. But the key is that both the married and unmarried must lead holy lives. With that, all questions can be addressed.

The Bible says that God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. Dr Tong said that apparently, it is not good for man to be alone, for many women lead very good and successful lives being alone. It is highly unusual to find a man who is single and yet very neat, like how the philosopher Immanuel Kant was. Kant was so punctual that he takes his afternoon walks at exactly 3 pm, and the women in his village could adjust their clocks based on his walks. God made Adam fall into a deep sleep and removed his rib to form Eve. This was the first surgery, the first time Adam bled. The first woman came from a man, but all subsequent men came from women in childbirth. Therefore, the source of the woman is the man, and she needs to submit to him. Without that submission, things will be in a mess. But for a man to command respect and submission, he must first be willing to bleed for the woman, the take the rib from beside his heart in order to complete the woman. This in itself is a foreshadow of how Christ would bleed for us in order to create the church. When a man loves his wife so much that he is willing to sacrifice himself and give her the most important part of his life, it would be easy for the woman to submit to him. On the contrary, when a man betrays his wife or look down on her, submission would not be possible. So clearly, if the love is based on how Christ loves the church, everything would be in order and easy to maintain.

What then is the difference between the marriage of believers and that of non-believers? In a Christian marriage, the couple shares the love from the one source of love from God, to build a Christian family. In a non-Christian marriage, the couple shares the love from each other with two sources of love. People often love one another for reasons relating to beauty, wealth, intelligence and other conditions. For two sources of love to come together in marriage, anything can happen when one of the sources becomes tainted, or change. But in a Christian marriage, the source of love is from God. He gave us His love, and we share this love with one another. So when the inevitable conflicts in the marriage arise, this source of love would enable both parties to start all over again and re-establish a relationship. Therefore, Christian families should be much better than non-Christian families in every aspect.

When God created mankind, He did not use another lump of clay to make the woman, or breathe into her again. All came from the very first man. Acts 17:26 tells us that God created all mankind from one source. It is therefore possible for the entire world to be one people. All cultures and philosophies aim to do this, but they never realised that their yearnings came from the fact that God created all human beings from one source. No other faith or religion has this correct understanding and explanation that can come only via the direct revelation of God in the Bible. Even evolutionists like Thomas Huxley and Herbert Spencer had to admit that evolution cannot explain why human beings have the conscience and reasoning powers. Both also had to admit that there seems to be only one source of humanity. All these are already foretold in the Bible, way before scientists began to probe the origin of man. The fact that God created Adam and Eve as the first couple is a very important reason why marriage needs to be honored.

3. Physical Union
Marriage needs to be honored also because it is the ultimate physical expression of love between a man and a woman. Both are so linked with one another that not only are they emotionally and spiritually in union, they have physical union as well. To have physical union without emotional and spiritual union is for one to behave like animals. But when a couple only have emotional and spiritual union without physical union, we cannot consider that union to be marriage. The greatest expression of love in union for a human being would thus be the union in marriage.

This relationship is linked with the mystery of Christ's relationship with the church. So in this union, we need to remember that Christ humbled Himself to be born in a manger, and sought His bride, sacrificing Himself for her. The relationship between a husband and a wife is therefore sacred, and we need to understand marriage in that light. When a person looks down of marriage, he is looking down at himself. When a nation does not honor marriage, it despises all humanity. By honoring marriage, humanity can continue to develop itself physically, culturally and morally.

Because God made one man and one woman and brought them together, marriage is to be monogamous. When one is faithful to one's spouse in a marriage, there is no possibility of sexual diseases. When a man is faithful to one wife, he will enjoy the greatest physical, emotional and spiritual satisfaction and health. On the contrary, he would lead a life filled with the possibilities of all sorts of diseases and threats.

Dr Tong said that he cannot understand why man would not heed God's warning. After Magellan completed his first trip around the world and returned to Spain, within 14 years of his return, sexual diseases became prevalent in Europe. This was because his sailors brought back these diseases from abroad, and it spread rapidly. Dr Tong said he found it puzzling that the gospel took thousands of years to preach without success, while sexual illnesses could spread so successfully within 14 years. At the same time, he could not understand why God allowed 500 odd years of human suffering before penicillin was discovered to treat sexual diseases. The answer he said come from the Biblical principle that more will be demanded to those who were given more (Luke 12:48). Since sexuality is such a great gift, its abuse would demand greater retributions. But man did not learn this lesson, and in 1979, AIDS was first discovered. So clearly, we have not learned our lessons, and no one can tell how long more mankind must suffer before finding the cure.

Dr Tong said that this lesson is so very important that he will take a few sessions just on this verse alone.

Disclaimer: This summary does NOT represent the official position of STEMI (Stephen Tong Evangelistic Ministry International), and is the personal opinion of the author, expressed without prejudice. Expressed opinions are meant for academic discussions only.